Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Ya gotta love Chuck!


Chuck Norris Facts


When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

12 comments:

Ms. Mamma said...

OMG! That's hilarious! I love it!

jan said...

Politically incorrect, just the way I like it.

Glamourpuss said...

That man looks scary - his teeth are so white they don't look real and his eyes look funny and stretched. Has he had surgery?

Puss

Uncivil said...

Thanks MsMamma & Jan!

Puss
To be sure you know who Chuck Norris is?

Uncivil said...

Puss
I updated this post just for you!

BottleBlonde said...

I want Chuck Norris to father my ugly babies.

VE said...

Next your gonna tell me he killed Bruce Lee! Make it stop...

Jeanna said...

Excellent. I was trying to remember some of these from a show about Norris worship. I guess he's a god in the military.

Uncivil said...

Bottleblonde
I thought you were a virgin?

VE
I think it was in the uncut version of "Game of Death"!

Jeanna

I left a Chuck Norris fact on your comment section, cause you would kill me if I left this little chocolate joke below! Sorry.....couldn't resist!

"One day a woman walks into the ice cream store and goes up to the counter where she asks the clerk for some chocolate ice cream.

He replies, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we're out of chocolate."

She looks at him and says, "That's okay. I'll just take some chocolate ice cream."

Thinking that she might not have heard him the first time, he repeats, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we're out of chocolate."

She smiles at the clerk and says, "That's quite alright. I'll just take some chocolate ice cream."

Now the clerk is getting frustrated, so he leans over the counter and says to the woman, "Spell STRAW as in STRAWBERRY."

The woman replies, "S-T-R-A-W."

Then he says, "Spell VAN as in VANILLA."

The woman replies, "V-A-N."

Then he says, "Spell F.U.C.K as in CHOCOLATE."

At this point, the woman looks confused and replies, "But there is no F.U.C.K in CHOCOLATE."

The clerk raises his hands and screams, "THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!"

Steph said...

Oh Chucky, I'd hit it.

Jeanna said...

Chuck Norris is so cool, ice cream has him in its veins.

Uncivil said...

Steph
Hmmmmm....you like older guys? I thought you were into chics?

Jeanna
That was good.....really good!