Thursday, June 14, 2007

When you don't have anything else to occupy your time,try capturing Superman in a photograph!

Just pretend you are Jimmy Olsen, the Daily Planet's star photographer, and try to get some good pictures of Superman for tomorrows edition!

I suck at it but it's still fun. BTW highspeed internet connection is a must.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Men Bashing

I guess I have more female readers than male? And a great gal who's going through some rough times sent me this email below.

I'll be the first to admit that we men can be some sick worthless bastards . We're born that way,and it's a life long battle to free ourselves of those testosterone chains that are wrapped so tightly around our brains!

I'm dedicating this post to my friend JP down in Jawja!

The Why's of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (Because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX? (They don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG (They don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN (Don't never happened)(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)And my personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH ?(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in yourheart... Then you are just an old sour fart.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Steph with her Men Have No Sense Of Humor! post was my inspiration for this post.

Below is the biggest laugh I've ever had with a gal, and I'm sure she will never forget me! I'll never forget you Debbie!LOL

We were in my bed and I was giving her a tongue bath. She failed to notice the "Alka-Seltzer" I had hidden in the palm of my hand!

She was really getting into it when I snuck that bad boy in. I was face to face with that muff, and it was foaming like a rabid cat! She screamed, "What did you do? It burns?"

I said, "let me fix that love", jumped up and pounded it on in, while saying "well it doesn't burn me? but it is a little bubbly?"

Then I told her what I had done. We both had a good laugh, but she told me to never, never do that again!

Now every time I think of "Alka-Seltzer", I think of my version of their commercial!
"Plop, Plop, Jizz, Jizz, Oh what a relief it is!"

Sunday, June 03, 2007

If I were?

This is a great little meme.

I'm tagging

If I were a beginning, I would be:...... hopefully never ending.
If I were a month, I would be:..... April, for it is my birth month
If I were a time of day, I would be:... Sunrise, or Sunset. Everthing in between is just in the way.
If I were a planet, I would be:... Mars! Men are from Mars aren't they? Although Venus rhymes with Penis?
If I were a season, I would be: ...Spring because it symbolizes a new beginning , and it's windy, and lot's of frikkin pollen! Is there any season worth a shit?
If I were a sea animal, I would be: ...A Sea Otter floating along on my back with a great big juicey oyster to pound against the rock I've just nestled against my belly.
If I were a direction, I would be:... counter clockwise
If I were a piece of furniture, I would be: ....A nightstand for a Chamber pot
If I were a sin, I would be:.... Ha ha, all of them! The question is what sin wouldn't I be?
If I were a liquid, I would be:... Probably burnt Motor Oil, or maybe some of that yucky stuff in the chamber pot on the nightstand?
If I were a scare, I would be: ....The Creature from the Black Lagoon, or maybe Hillory Clinton as President!
If I were a gem, I would be: ....a diamond because it's about as hard as my head.
If I were a flower/plant, I would be: ....A cactus because I can be such a prick.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: ...The calm after the storm, and always predicted wrong.
If I were a musical instrument, I would be:... A tiny violin playing my heart bleeds for you!
If I were an animal, I would be:... Either of my dogs Abigail or Emily
If I were an emotion, I would be: ....the antithesis of reason
If I were a vegetable, I would be:.... a cucumber, then surely the women vegetables would find me most attractive?
If I were a sound, I would be: ....The wimper of a newborn pup.
If I were an element, I would be:...... Atomic number 79, Gold of course
If I were a car, I would be:.... out of gas and on the way to the junk yard. Time to buy that new Honda civic!
If I were a song, I would be:.... The Sound of Silence
If I were a food, I would be:.... hard to chew!
If I were a place, I would be:.... that's a hard one? How about any place you would like to visit, but wouldn't want to live there?
If I were a material, I would be:.... Sandpaper, cause I can rub you the wrong way.
If I were a taste, I would be:... Sweet & Sour, just like my emotions
If I were a scent, I would be: ....probably something that came out of a skunks ass!
If I were a religion, I would be:.... Unfortunately at war with someone else's religion, so I would choose not to be a religion.
If I were a sentence, I would be: ....Why doesn't God come here and do away with religion?
If I were a facial _expression, I would be:.... a raised brow
If I were a subject in school, I would be:.... Mathmatics, because numbers don't lie.
If I were a shape, I would be:... a circle with no beginning and no end.
If I were a color, I would be:... Green as grass, unless I was feeling Baby shit brown.
If I were a thing, I would be:.... Shania Twain's _ _ mind is in the gutter on that one?
If I were a book, I would be: ....I damn sure wouldn't be a romance novel.
If I were an artist, I would be:.... Poorer than I already am, but I always admire the great painters.Who are they?
If I were a collection of poems, I would be:..One big Joke! Don't know the poets either?
If I were a landmass, I would be:.... an unpredictable Volcano
If I were a watch, I would be:... A Timex of course, cause we all know about them lickins and tickins.
If I were God, I would be:... (I wouldnt be God).
If I were a vowel, I would be:... I.
If I were a consonant, I would be:... SH (space here for my vowel) and finally T.
If I were a theory, I would be:... A know there was more than one shooter in Dallas that day!
If I were a famous person, I would be:.... a very wealthy recluse in hiding
If I were an electronic equipment, I would be:... ha , ha...minds in the gutter again?
If I were a sport, I would be:.... a Boxing Match
If I were a movie, I would be:... a murder mystery
If I were a cartoon, I would be:.... Roger Rabbit
If I were an explorer, I would be:.... Knee deep in the Amazon.
If I were a scientist, I would be: ....trying to discover how to time travel
If I were a relation, I would be:.... Faithful
If I were a river, I would be:... Flooded
If I were intoxication, I would be: ....drunk again?
If I were alone, I would be: ....asleep, or at this darn computer
If I were a question, I would be: ...Why?
If I were a habit, I would be:.... Brain washed.
If I were in an atom, I would be: oxygen atom in search of two hydrogens.
If I were you, I would be:.... Glad this is over?

Just copy and paste, and change your answers to "If I were"

Update 6/7/07.....Glamourpuss did it her way and it is Glamfabulous!
Thanks Puss, I love it!