Saturday, June 09, 2007


Men Bashing


I guess I have more female readers than male? And a great gal who's going through some rough times sent me this email below.


I'll be the first to admit that we men can be some sick worthless bastards . We're born that way,and it's a life long battle to free ourselves of those testosterone chains that are wrapped so tightly around our brains!


I'm dedicating this post to my friend JP down in Jawja!


The Why's of Men


1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (Because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX? (They don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG (They don't stop to ask directions)


4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)


6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)


7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN (Don't know....it never happened)(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)And my personal favorite:


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH ?(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)


Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in yourheart... Then you are just an old sour fart.

18 comments:

Uncivil said...

Oh, and JP sent me this one too!

BTW, JP.......I'm bored, I'll call you sometime, would like to go out to a bar and dance, or a movie, or out to dinner? And please......wear a nice dress! You don't even have to wear shoes if you like? I wouldn't notice them anyway!

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit. = I'm gay.

Uncivil said...

Oh, and my answers to the questions!!!!!!!!!

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX? (Because they are plugged into a genius)

my answer, I've been plugged into quite a few genius'es and it hasn't helped me one damn bit!




2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX? (They don't have enough time)

my answer, Oh, I blink baby, I blink!!!!!!!




3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG (They don't stop to ask directions)

my answer, I google map it before I leave the damn house!




4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS(Because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)

my answer, that's why I sleep on my side!




5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

my answer, I have humped a few women's legs......I thought my dogs were smarter than me?




6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

Alright, ya got me there? Ditto!




7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN (Don't know....it never happened)(C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)And my personal favorite:

my answer, Damn, I put the toilet seat down, Does that make me gay?




8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH ?(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

my answer, Will mow grass for sex!

My Reflecting Pool said...

definitley put a smile on my face!!!! Sharing as I type! he-heee.

Uncivil said...

Thanks for stoping by Reflecting Pool, glad I could put a smile on your young beautiful face! You're a sweetie!

Chrissy121875 said...

HAHAHA!!! That's hilarious! :) Good one! What a great Sunday laugh!

PS. Our problems have now been dropped off at the airport! ;) More on that later!

Uncivil said...

Thanks Chrissy

Ok....I got ya...the eagle has landed;) Can't wait to hear.

Hey, if I dropped my problems of at the airport.....it would take an Antonov An-124 cargo plane to haul all that shit off! LOL!!!!

Steph said...

It's funny cos it's true. ;)

Glamourpuss said...

As long as a man worsips me for the goddess I am, he can think and do whatever he likes.

Puss

Uncivil said...

Steph
I can picture you saying that in your best Madeline Kahn impersonation when she says "it's twue, it's twue!",

Puss

Does, that include leg humping?

Rachie-Babe said...

Thank goodness I'm not an old fart! That was pretty good. ;-)

Uncivil said...

Rachie
Ha,ha....I'm old enough to be an old fart now, but I'm trying to get sweeter with age! All my meaness is finally starting to wear away!

mist1 said...

I have never noticed that men get smarter after sex. If sex made Him smarter, he'd never agree to all the stupid sh*t that he agrees to after sex.

Uncivil said...

Mist,I agree with ya and I haven't even had sex with ya?

Chrissy121875 said...

LOL! Just reading through the comments! Too funny!

Anyhooooooooz, just popped by to say hello and see how you're doing.

Great tune, btw! Have you ever really listened to the lyrics carefully? LOL! Too funny! ;)

Chrissy121875 said...

PS. LOL! I have the speakers on and it looks like Chance is dancing to this song! I think he must like the beat! LOL! Funny dog!

Uncivil said...

Hey Chrissy
I'm glad you and Chance stopped by!LOL! I'd like to see him dance!

Oh, yea....I can relate to those lyrics so well.That's why I like the song!
........................

I’m bringing Paxil back
Generic brands just don’t know how to act
I’ll pop a couple with that water back
Bottomless coffee and a half a pack

Pace around the room

I’m OCD
I make to do lists just to stay busy
I feel depressed cos I’ve got no money
And when my ex is on myspace I see

Staring at the walls

Come here doc
Put a little serotonin in me
Move your hand like this
Put a little serotonin in me
Write that script
Put a little serotonin in me
Let me see the pharmacist
Put a little serotonin in me
That you’re working with
Put a little serotonin in me
Nurses hips
Little more serotonin in me
No insurance for me
Lot of more serotonin in me
Just Web MD

I’m bringing Paxil back
The platinum bottle with the child proof cap
Just read the dosage and quadruple that
Six whiskeys later ill be on my back, back

Mattress on the floor

Razor blade
I’ve got two wrists that I could slit today
Unless this little pill gets in the way
No other drug could make me feel this way

Come here doc
Put a little serotonin in me
Move your hand like this
Put a little serotonin in me
Write that script
Put a little serotonin in me
Let me see the pharmacist
Little more serotonin in me
Who you working with
Put a little serotonin in me
Nurses hips
Little more serotonin in me
No insurance for me
Lot of more serotonin in me
Just Web MD
Lot of more ohhh

I’m bringing Paxil back
My HMO might just pick up the tab
I got the tremors and I need a nap
I gave my rent check to the Physer cats

"I cannot make my phone ring by looking at it" x2

Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get.. your.. doctors.. note

Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get your doctors note
Get.. your.. doctors.. note

Diesel said...

I keep scrolling to the left, but I don't see the chicks. I think my computer is broken.

Uncivil said...

Good one Diesel. I figured you saw enough of that on vacation?