Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Craigslist personals WTF????

Sometimes ya just gotta surf Craigslist for the fun of it. Yeah, we got us a local boy here lookin' for a woman and I decided he needed to go international with his ad!
Come on gals. Help my little buddy Jimmy Ray find that special lady!LOL!

Titled: Take a ride... In my truck! - 27 (Wilmington)

I don't know what else to do. My girlfriend done run off and left me for my neighbor. She even took the kids, but I ain't complainin' about that. But the family reunion ain't for another couple 'a months and I sure could use a woman's comp'ny right now.
I'm 'a lookin' for a good lookin' gal that can stand by her man and not leave him for his handsome daddy. Or his best friend. Or his next door neighbor. Or the guy who works at the Bojangles in Monkey Junction. I ain't havin' it.

I like: NASCAR, anything Earnhardt, Copenhagen, Milwaukee's Beast, four wheelin', drinkin', shootin', 103.7 the Bone, my dogs Rufus and Boceefus, and my truck. And big boobs, too.
I don't like: hippies, Toyota, leaving tips, going to work sober, and bathing.

If you're a blond haired, blue eyed sweet Southern gal, go ahead and email me back. I only like 'em when they're dressed out at no more 'n 130 pounds or so. I ain't all into this "more to love" business. Don't even bother. That is, unless you can cook. Then I might could work you in sometime durin' the week.
If you chew tobacco, then we might have something in common. If I like you enough, we could even share the same spit bottle.
Oh, and don't message me if you're into all these "progressive" ideas. I think all a man needs besides booze and women is his rifle, a 3 month supply of food, a dog, a truck and a NASCAR calendar from 1998. Oh, and some white lightenin'. I think y'all should know that I consider myself ready for the upcoming 2012 Apocalypse.

A bouncer in Jacksonville hit me in the jaw with a crescent wrench 5 times. My ex wife's boyfriend broke my jaw with a fencepost. So if you don't email me, it won't hurt my feelings.
Oh, and my name is Jimmy Ray. But my friends call me Horn Dog on account of how many kids I got.
Also, don't respond to my ad again, Mom.




23 comments:

Uncivil said...

Miss Piggy
I think I found ya a real man? Maybe this one will do until I can round up George Clooney for ya?

Uncivil said...

Hell of a way to celebrate Veterans day ain't it?

Uncivil said...

Who knows? Maybe we can hook him up?
http://wilmington.craigslist.org/m4w/1457739680.html

Mrsupole said...

That is some buddy you got there. I still say he needs a haircut. LOL

God bless.

Uncivil said...

Mrsupole
Yeah, he be needin' a shave and a haircut, and probably his monthly bath? He looks like he would fit right in if they ever decided to do a remake of Deliverance don't he?

Uncivil said...

Haha
If ya google image "Mullet"......his is the first pic that pops up!

Miss Piggy said...

Uncivil why do you always have to bring me into it? I would choose Kermit over him...however I would not turn down George (SEXY) Clooney!!!!!

Uncivil said...

Miss Piggy
What would you do with George Clooney? Arm wrastle him or somethin'??

Mrsupole said...

Okay I will see if it fits. And remember you asked for it.

That was just too funny. I doubt that he will get any e-mails from any Yankee girls. Loved the name of the dogs, and sharing the spit. He does need to get a haircut. How old is that picture? Looks like it is from the 80's. I have to say that he does have a great sense of humor. He should use that as a reason for any female wanting him.

If I was single, my ad would say; I don't cook, I don't clean, I don't exercise, I don't do anything, but get waited on hand and foot by the men in my life. I sleep, I eat, I pass gas, I burp, I pee and poop, I take a bath once a month, I never brush my hair or teeth because I have none, I guess I never floss either, I do drink lots of booze, and take many pills, well at least I think I do this, I just cannot seem to remember much anymore, I am done having kids, and gravity has set in, I mean really set in, well at least I think it is gravity, still trying to remember what the hell happened, gotta get another drink, okay, I do not feed the dogs or cats, I do not skin any animals either, I never fish, I do like to shoot weapons, I do expect you to bury anyone that I accidently hit, I lost count of how many have been buried so far, oh hell, I lost count of how many drinks I had today, so I do expect you to keep count of how many of your relatives I accidently hit, I like big weapons, the bigger the better, I expect you to also bury any of your body parts I accidently hit and you lose, I think I need another drink, I also am not a bartender but am great friends with all the ones in my city, I get my drinks for free, but you have to work for me to get them. And, wait for it, wait for it.....here is the best think I do.....I do it in bed.....wait for it....wait some more....get me another drink.....wait for it some more.....okay, I do not snore in bed....geez, that there alone makes me the best dang girlfriend any male personage could ask for.

See, isn't my hubby such a lucky man. And it's a good thing that I am not single, although my hubby would probably say that this ad is true, well except the drinking, and the snoring part. He swears I snore, but I never hear myself doing it, so I know he is just making it up so I will stop bugging him about his snoring.

I will pass this around, let me know if there are any takers.

God bless.

Uncivil said...

Mrsupole
Haha
You don't do anything, but get waited on hand and foot by the men in your life. you sleep, you eat, you pass gas, you burp, you pee and poop, and take a bath once a month???????
Sounds like you could be one of my two dearly beloved dogs Abigail or Emily?????LOL!!!!!!

Miss Piggy said...

I will arm wrestle with you...I have other plans for Gorgeous George. lol

Uncivil said...

Oh well....at least you'll let me hold your hand! Guess I'll just have to settle for being the "Fluff boy" for George?

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

That was both kinda cute, and very funny. Sounds like a dream guy. Too bad I'm already married, and my eyes aren't blue. ;)

I just saw this little video on another blog, and dog lover that I know you are, I thought you'd like it. It's a vet coming home from Afghanistan, and his dog giving him big love. Touching and sweet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ysKAVyXi0J4&feature=player_embedded

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Oh yeah, and I'm married. but that wasn't a problem for him, as far as I could tell...

Uncivil said...

J
Thanks for the video link. I love the way dogs can turn us tough guys into blubbering mush.
You women could learn a few things from that?
I think you need to show Ted some of that intense affection next time he gets home from work? LOL
Hope Genevieve is doing well!

VE said...

Shouldn't his neck be more the color of that pickup?

Uncivil said...

VE
He might be a transplant from Oregon?

jMo said...

This boy may not make 130 soaking wet. At least he didn't say 105. I think you've found yerself a mate, Jimbo.
And what the hell is Milwaukee's Beast? You talkin' 'bout my brother-in-law?

Uncivil said...

jMo
You could probably hook up with a couple of your porno lambs at "The Curtain" and they could produce some Milwaukee's beast????

J at www.jellyjules.com said...

Hey Jimmy, Ted showed me this, and of course, I thought you might get a kick out of it. Gross, and yet funny. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DBuk91phkI

Uncivil said...

J
Aggghhhhh????I'm starting to worry about Ted??????LOL
Hope that ain't Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose?

jMo said...

ewe

Rachie-Babe said...

That is quite the mullet going on there. ;-)