Thursday, November 19, 2009

Best Separation Ever!!

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

OUTSTANDING!

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up this country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like re-distributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters.
When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volkswagen you can find.

We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.


Sincerely,

John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you.

14 comments:

Uncivil said...

I was sent this superb email by my new blog buddy Mrsupole!!!!!
I can only pray this could come to pass, but sadly like fleas and ticks.......they can't survive without the dog?

jan said...

There are a few other people I'd like to get rid of too.

C said...

Oh, Jimmy! This looks like something you would have written! ;)

Uncivil said...

Jan
Yeah, like Nancy P!!!!!


C
You know I'm not that bright or witty! Mrsupole was kind enough to send it to me!
I have thought along those lines for quite some time though, but not as nicely put as this fellow!

Mrsupole said...

Now you know this would be the best divorce EVAH!!!!!

Oh okay, I would be in a little bit of trouble because I am a liberal according to my hubby. He calls me that because I was a democrat. And now I consider myself an independent constitional protectionist. And I get in trouble with him because I am pro choice in cases of incest and rape. So yes I would have to divorce parts of myself. But at least I am getting better because when I was a democrat I was totally all pro choice and all for everything that the democrats said they were for. But then I actually started to pay attention to what was happening to our country and what each group represented. So I guess I did divorce part of myself. I have decided that I am for lower taxes, less government controls, the right to bear arms (I have always been for this one), a strong military, free speech, the right to protest, I believe in capitalism and the right for us to at least be able to possibly become rich, not that I will probably ever be rich, but at least I like to dream, and do not want that dream taken away.

Hubby keeps bringing home paperwork from his union asking us to call and protest the health reform bill. I wonder if his union is getting a divorce too. They are pissed because the new bill will tax the health insurance of it's union members. It is one of the biggest unions in the country, so I wonder what Andy Stern is thinking about this. Is he losing some of his power because another large union does not agree with his SEIU union. Power to the people and screw them trying to take more away from us.

And that is why I want a divorce.

God bless.

Uncivil said...

Mrsupole
I don't believe in Unions either:(
I think they were a good thing many years ago, but not so much in modern times!

jMo said...

The words "sore loser" keep running through my head

Rachie-Babe said...

Hiya! It's been awhile! Hope life is treating you well. ;-)

Uncivil said...

Hey Rachie
Good to see you back babe!
I'm still ornery as ever!

Uncivil said...

jMo
I was a sore loser on the basketball court the other day? I lost and my legs were sore for days.

jMo said...

uh huh. kisses to the girls, every time I see the "Junk Yard Dog" post title I wanna give 'er a hug. And Ems.

C said...

Hey Jimbo! You've been rather quiet lately! Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Big hugs for Ab and Em...and for you too! ;)

Mrsupole said...

Hey there,

Are you like taking a vacation here or something? Just kidding.

God bless.

Uncivil said...

C,& Mrsupole
Just need a break sometimes? Hope I'm not getting into the bahhh humbug stage this early before Christmas?