Thursday, March 05, 2009

"Why I voted Democrat"

I don't know who wrote this but it does summarize things
Succinctly. For those who may ain't seen
nothing yet!

I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now
marry whatever I want. So, I've decided to marry my horse.

I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies'
profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene but the
government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do
a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

I voted Democrat because when I get behind on my
mortgage, the government will help me by lowering my

I voted Democrat because freedom of speech is fine as
long as nobody is offended by it.

I voted Democrat because when we pull out of Iraq, I
trust that the bad guys will stop what they're doing
because they now think we're good people.

I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to
own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to
protect me from murderers and thieves.

I voted Democrat because I believe that people who
can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that
the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I
don't start driving a Prius.

I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about the
slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death
row inmates alive.

I voted Democrat because I believe that business should
not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to
break even and give the rest away to the government for
redistribution as IT sees fit.

I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to
rewrite The Constitution every few days to suit some fringe
kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up
my ass that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another
point of view.

"A Liberal is a person who will give away everything
they don't own."


jan said...

I laughed all the way through this.

And then I cried.

J at said...

I was going to say something flip about "what do you have against horses?" But then I remembered a pretty disgusting picture I once received in my email box (before I turned off pictures of email) of a girl licking a horses penis, and I said, Uh, no, never mind.

And that, my friend, is why my daughter will not have her own email address until she's at least 38.

J at said...

OK, I couldn't help it. I googled "I voted republican because", and I found this bit that is just as biased as the democrat piece:

Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Why I Voted Republican

Because I believe we really are a monarchy, not a democracy and that the President should have the powers of a King.

Because I believe the Constitution is just a goddamn piece of paper.

Because the rule of force trumps the rule of law.

Because we need more poor people.

Because an obese drug addict with a radio show told me to.

Because I love catchy phrases like "MISSION ACCOMPLISHED" and "BRING 'EM ON."

Because clean air is so darn overrated.

Because the thought of torturing people brings me close to orgasm.

Because "habeus corpus" was dreamed up by a bunch of men wearing tights.

Because I think my chances of getting salmonella are very low.

Because facts are for liberal weaklings.

Because when I finally get wealth and power I damned well aim to keep it forever.

Because the idea of bombing Iran makes me salivate.

Because gays don't deserve civil rights.

Because rape victims don't deserve abortion rights.

Because the unregulated free-market is working so well.

Because I like Big Brother reading my emails.

Because we don't have enough Nukes yet.

Because America rightfully belongs to white Christians.

Because hate is more powerful than hope.

Because $75 billion profit in three months isn't enough for Big Oil, I want to give them more.

Because I love the tax loop holes we created that allow Big Oil to keep all that money.

Because I believe greedy corporations will do the right thing for me.

Because if you don't think exactly like I do you must be a socialist commie.

Because Sarah Palin really knows what she is talking about.

Because "white guilt" is an actual thing.

Because I believe repeating the same disastrous harmful policies and approaches over and over again are good for the country and if the Democrats have a good idea, I'll pray that it fails miserably regardless of who that hurts because better a miserable conservative American than a prospering liberal one.

Because my head is so firmly planted up my *** that it is unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.

found here:

Uncivil said...

I'm finally reading Atlas Shrugged and when I was sent this in an email today...I just had to post it!LOL.......It's so true it hurts!

Uncivil said...

That's a little too much info on the horse...I'm not even gonna go there!!!!!

And the "Why I Voted Republican" piece is just not as funny as the "Why I Voted Democrat" piece anyway.
Jeeesh...I didn't know democrats were so racial...."white Christians".."white guilt" ?????

That's why there isn't a succesful democratic talk show........because no one wants to hear folks cry about what the govenment is or isn't taking away from other folks and giving to them! It's just not funny hearing folks cry about what they aren't getting.

Shannon said...

So sad but my head was bobbing the whole time I was reading it! We were just using that final quote the other day! Atlas Shrugged- slow start but stick with it! It is so worth it! So many times I have felt that the NO'brainers have been using it as a 'How To Guide' not as a caution of consequences!

Uncivil said...

You are so right about the slow start. I almost put it down before I got to 50 or 75 pages. But then it really started started getting good as I got past the first 100 or so pages and I'm hooked! I'm more amazed at her insight into morality!
I'm around the 500 page mark so far.
Jeeesh...I didn't think about the NO'brainers using it as a 'How To Guide'????
It sure looks thst way doesn't it!

Jeanna said...

Right on, J.
I voted Democrat because otherwise I'd be voting Republican.
No, YoJ., I haven't gotten the car, and there must be something off, because the CR-V is way below invoice at this point. Must be my math or there's something wrong with the car.
The RAV is such a sweet ride, I'm still trying to get them to come down on the price. Not sure when the new Toyotas come in, I heard September. Do you know when the 2010 Hondas get in?
Wish I hadn't test driven that Toyota on Friday, especially since it was such a beautiful day.

VE said...

It warms my heart to know that you voted democrat! ;)

Jeanna said...

Hey, C. thinks you're sending me bear scat. Leftovers from the McCain-Palin campaign?

Uncivil said...

Jeanna , VE

I got my stimulus payment in the mail Saturday. A packet of watermelon seeds , and a coupon to KFC?

C said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Jimmy! LOL! I know you still love me...despite our political differences :)

Rowing and Sowing said...

LMAO, and (yep) after we read it then we cry. It's the kind of cry .... I have an image of Tammy Faye Baker in my head. ooooo - lol, I know I know bad image! But right now I can stomach that image a heck of a lot better than I can stomach the Evil Pelosi :):):) Do we have a keystroke symbol that smiles that big? I bet there's something in that stimulus package that's going to create about 500 thousand jobs to design a new Pelosi Smiley Key! Broadband and Pelosi!!

Good to see you all (Jimmy's so good at making neutral and friendly grounds for the differences to have good fun :)

C!!! I gotta say a special hello to you and family!

Uncivil said...

I thought you were one of us? What? Oh noooooooo!!!LOL

I love you girl!!!
You know what I call "Pelosi"!!!
"Sloppy Pelussy".....yeah she's slingin' it out both pant's legs!

Read the capital letters vertically and below is what I think of her!


Jeanna said...

For someone who blogs once a month, you sure can sling the shit, brohemouth.

C said...

LOL! Jimbo...I cannot tell a lie. Have I hidden my Liberal tendencies that well?? You still love us though, right? ;p

LOL! Laughing at Jeanna's comment! Ohhh, you guys are hilarious!

Hey! Is Row back?!?!?! :)

Curiosity Killer said...

This is why I don't do politics. I just can't decide which side I dislike least.

Uncivil said...

Haha..Row forwarded me this in an email!!!!!Gotta love her!!!!

Ft. Worth , TX
31 DEC 08

Ft. Worth Police today reported finding a John Doe male body in the Trinity River . The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a strap-on dildo, and an Obama t-shirt...He also had a cucumber stuffed up his ass.

The police thoughtfully removed the Obama t-shirt to spare the family any unnecessary embarrassment

Shannon said...

When you open like that I wonder if I am in the right place!
Too funny, though!!

Neva said...

I am a registered, card carrying Republican and proud of it......cute piece.